This morning at 6:45 AM my phone rang. It was a message from the principal where I teach asking us to please read an email ASAP. Being the obedient person I am, and of course, I was curious as well, I opened my email account and read the email we were asked to read. To sum it up, there has been a threat posted on social media warning students at SHS about a shooting. Luckily/unfortunately, the school I teach at is SHS. The principal went on to explain that the local police have investigated, and they believe there is no threat to our school, but there would be increased police presence on campus today.
Now those of you who know me well know that I struggle with anxiety. So, after reading the email, my anxiety set in. In addition to teaching at SHS, I also have a daughter who is a sophomore here, and I bring my five-year-old son to the daycare here for the morning before he leaves for kindergarten in the afternoon. As I went through my routine of getting ready for the day, my heart continued to pound. I was thinking about what I would do if there was a shooter at our school, but I also was thinking about what I would do for my own children. My thoughts ran this way: "I will make Rachel and Tommy stay home today. They will be safer at home than at the school." But then, "Rachel won't want to miss school; she has straight A's, and she won't miss unless she absolutely has to. So, I will just leave Tommy home." Then, "Tommy has a field trip today with the daycare. He won't want to miss." By the time I was ready, I had calmed myself enough that all three of us were going to SHS.
However, the first conversation I had with my daughter was about the potential threat, and the fact that we would see more law enforcement today than we usually do. Her response, "Mom, it's not our school. It's another school. I'm not scared about this." I wish that I had the peace of mind that she does, but at the same time, I went on to tell her that we can't take vague threats lightly. What has our world come to that these are the conversations we are having with our children first thing in the morning?
I'm not against guns at all. I grew up with two brothers, and three nephews who love guns. Not to mention, numerous uncles and cousins who all taught me how to handle and shoot a gun. One of my favorite activities in college and when I first got married was to go skeet shooting with roommates and friends. While in elementary school, I looked forward to the annual deer hunt with my dad and brothers. It was exciting to be up in the mountains and searching for the perfect buck. It hasn't been until the past year that my fear of guns has increased.
The school shooting last week in Florida has me thinking a lot of different thoughts. I don't think guns should be banned; I think we should be able to own and use guns as we see fit. But, how do we prevent future shootings? How do I continue to reassure my children and students that we are safe when the local law enforcement tells us that it's not if but when? How do I go to school in the morning and focus on what students need to learn when in the back of my mind I'm worried about whether or not my door is locked and I'm ready to close it in seconds if a shooter enters the building? Just so you know, as I got dressed this morning, my wardrobe decision consisted of what is comfortable, but also what can I run in if there is a threat.
I've always wanted to be a teacher. I read to my dolls out loud when I was growing up. I had "grade books" for them that I would keep track of, and I loved everything about education. There was a short time when I thought I would be an attorney, but that lasted about nine months. In my heart, I am a teacher.
President Trump recently spoke about the possibility of teachers carrying concealed weapons. He made some great points, but I cannot see myself carrying a weapon to school each day. School is supposed to be a place of learning and growing, not a place that feels like a prison (even though students might tell you it's that way already). I should be able to send my children to school each day without the worry of whether or not there will be a shooter. I should be able to teach my students, and allow them to teach me without the worry of whether or not there will be a shooter. We should all be able to send our children to school and go about our daily routines without the worry of whether or not there will be a shooter. We don't live in a war zone; we live in the USA. Our country is respected and admired by others because of our freedoms and the independence we enjoy. Teachers should not have to carry concealed weapons, I won't get a concealed weapon because I am way too nervous to carry a gun myself. I will rely on our law enforcement and others to help in a situation because they are better trained than I am. Not to mention, I don't think I could ever shoot a person.
I love my job, and I am not saying let's ban guns everywhere. I just want to see a positive change in the world. I want to be able to go to work without my anxiety medication and without having to warn my students of threats during first period. I want my students to come to school without having to worry about a shooter coming into the building and killing them or their friends. I don't know the answers, but I do know that I love my job and I love my students, so I'll keep coming everyday, even though there are threats out there because what I do is what I love.
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