Letters of Recommendation

A little over a year ago, I wrote a post about how I am the reason why students hate school. I was in tears that day as I wrote about the dad who told me how awful I was, and who told me that I was the reason why students hate school. I wasn't sure that I really wanted to continue teaching after that.

Luckily, I ended up moving to a new school last fall, and I am happy to say that I survived the hardest year of my career so far. It wasn't that the curriculum I was teaching was different, or that the students were different, or that the parents were different. It was just difficult to adjust to being in a new building with new administrators, and new philosophies and policies. Fortunately, I had no parents call this past year and tell me how awful I was. Every interaction that I had with parents was positive. I even met staff from other feeder schools who told me how popular I am with the students who are not in high school yet, and how I am recommended as one of the teachers students should take in the future. Even though I felt overwhelmed this past year, hearing the positive things from parents and students helped me remember why I went into teaching seventeen years ago.

Part of the job of being a teacher is writing letters of recommendation for students. It may be a letter for a scholarship, a job, or even an Eagle Scout application. Normally, I gladly complete the letters and send them in, full of praises for my students. I have even written letters for students who are not in my class, but whom I know from living in my neighborhood. I love that students trust me and respect me enough to ask for my support as they move on to jobs and college. However, this past weekend, I received a request from the student whose dad told me I am why students hate school. As a result, my anxiety has increased, and I did not sleep well last night. I have to respond; I can't just ignore the request, but how do I separate what happened a year ago from what I need to write in the request? How do I tell an organization good things about this student when her father treated me the way he did? How do I tell them that she will be a good employee when I feel that the whole situation could have been avoided if she had come and spoken with me rather than having her father call me and yell at me over the phone? Am I just brutally honest in the recommendation and hope that my response doesn't affect the outcome of the job? Or do I hide what I really feel and simply recommend her as an average student? I am truly torn.

I have one week to respond to the request. One week to try to separate my feelings about her and her father's actions towards me from the qualities that the organization is seeking in a future employee. I have never had this type of inner turmoil. I have never felt so anxious over a request like this before. In my head, I am thinking that it was her father who had these feelings about me; it was her father who chose to lash out at me, and if she had the same feelings then she wouldn't have sent the request to me. But at the same time, I am wondering if the request from a former English teacher is required and if I only received it because she is obligated to provide my name as a reference. I hate the feelings that are in my head and heart today. As I sit in my summer school class of 14 students who have been nothing but respectful and dedicated, I am fighting the urge to run to the bathroom and vomit because of this one request. I am fighting the shaking in my fingers as I type, and I am fighting the urge to cry. I am trying to keep it all together in front of these students because tomorrow is the last day I will be with them, and they don't need to see how this one parent affected me over a year ago.  Usually when I receive requests like this, I respond within 24 hours, and I am happy to tell people that they can contact me for more information. However, this time, I will be taking the time given me to respond to carefully craft my response and honestly complete the recommendation. This is definitely a time when I am wishing that I had chosen a different career 17 years ago.