Concerned about the future

As a teacher, I am always worried about what parents will think of me, and if they will feel that I am a good enough teacher for their students.  Usually, the parents that I meet are very positive and supportive, and I enjoy meeting with them most of the time.  However, at the end of each term, I absolutely dread sending out emails or calling parents.  This is the time when the parents who don't really seem to care at all during the term decide to come out and be an advocate for their student. I just have to say here that I am frustrated that I never hear from them at all until grades are due and deadlines for late work have come and gone.  For example, where I teach, the counselors allow students to repeat English if they fail one year by enrolling in a class again the next year.  Inevitably, each year, I end up with a junior in my sophomore classes because he/she failed when a sophomore.  This year, my junior was actually court-ordered to be in my sophomore class, and he barely passed the first term.  His mom came in to meet with me at the first parent/teacher conference, and I shared with her then that he would need to start actually doing the work in my class if he wanted to pass.  At the end of the term, he slipped work in on the very last day of the term (after my deadline), and I gave in because I didn't want to have to deal with him again.  However, I told him that second term would not be the same.  I would uphold my deadline, and if the deadline came and he was failing, I would not make any exceptions.

I decided that for this second term, I would do a better job of keeping in touch with his parents.  I sent emails home periodically to the parents, hoping that I would get a response.  I never received any answers.  Eight weeks came and went, and today was basically the last day of the second term.  I was not really surprised when he came in after school today, but I was a little perturbed to see his mother with him.  She proceeded to ask me if there was anything that he could do to fix his grade.  I have to say I felt guilty telling her that the deadline was before the Christmas break, and I had sent numerous emails warning parents about the deadline, not to mention telling the students daily about it for the two weeks before the Christmas break.  I also felt a pang of guilt telling her that he had chosen to not meet the deadlines and had made the decision to not come in for remediation when I had assigned him to my class, and the administration had also told him he needed to be there.  She ended the conversation with "I understand".

Yet, I don't think she really did understand.  Throughout the conversation, her son told her, "I told you so," and I thought, "I sent you numerous emails through the term.  Why didn't you bother then? Why are you waiting until now to try to help him?  Where were you for the last eight weeks?"  Now, I know I am judging her as a mother.  She probably was trying to help him take initiative on his own, and then she saw that wouldn't work.  So as a result, she tried to bail him out after the ship had sunk basically.  I don't know if that really was the case, but I like to think that is how it happened at home.  I like to think that every parent tells their high school students that he/she needs to take care of their grades, and that they are becoming adults so now is the time for them to learn to take responsibility and figure out how to do things on their own.

But I still wonder, where are these parents during the term?  Why is it always the end of the term when they show up?  Where are they at midterm when I send the first email, asking what I can do to help their student pass?  Why do they not respond to phone calls or email messages?  When they receive the post cards I send home saying that their student is failing, why do they not call me then?  What is it about our society that has all of us (parents and students alike) thinking that there is always hope at the last minute?  Where have we gone wrong?  As this new generation graduates from high school and moves on to college and the work force, what are they going to take with them?  Are their bosses and professors going to accept the last minute submissions even after deadlines have passed?  Are their parents going to call their professors and bosses and ask them what more can be done?  I for one really hope that is not the case, but I am afraid that is where we are heading.  As long as the end of the term continues to come around, and parents continue to wait until the last minute to get involved, then the end of the term will always be hell for teachers, and students will always think that they can get more than a second, third, or even fourth chance.